Allan Kardec

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939. Since sympathetic spirits are spontaneously attracted to each other, how is it that this love is often one sided, that the most sincere affection can be met with indifference or even repulsion, and that the deepest affection of two individuals for one another may change into dislike, or even hatred?
“It is an atonement, but only a short-lived one. Moreover, how many individuals believe that they are desperately in love because they judge one another based on appearances only, but when forced to live together, they soon discover that their affection was nothing more than a passing whim? It is not enough to be taken by someone whom you imagine to be endowed with all sorts of qualities. You can only determine the worth of the appearances that have captivated you by actually living together. On the other hand, how many of these relationships that at first seem as though they never could become sympathetic grow over time into a tender and lasting affection, based on the respect that grows between the parties through the development of a more complete familiarity with each other’s qualities? You must not forget that it is the spirit that loves and not the body, and when the illusion of physical attraction dissipates, the spirit sees reality.”

“There are two kinds of affection – that of the body and that of the soul, and they are often mistaken for one another. The affection of the soul, when pure and sympathetic, is lasting, while that of the body is ephemeral. This is why people who think that they are in love eternally often despise one another when the illusion fades away.”

940. Is a lack of sympathy between individuals who are destined to live together a source of sorrow, and one that is most bitter because it poisons an entire life?
“It is very bitter, but it is usually a misfortune of your own doing. First, your laws are at fault, because how can you imagine that God intends that people who dislike each other should live together? Second, you yourselves are to blame, because you often seek the satisfaction of your pride and ambition in those relationships rather than the happiness of mutual affection. In such cases, you undergo the natural consequences of your folly.”

a) But, in such cases, is there generally an innocent victim?
“Yes, one for whom it is a heavy atonement, but the accountability for such unhappiness falls upon the individual who caused it. If the light of truth reaches the victim’s soul, faith in the future provides consolation. The causes of these private troubles disappear as your prejudgments are dispelled.”

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